What to say today?

It's a wind chilling Thursday here in Wisconsin. The locals are struggling with the isolated television coverage for tonight's Green Bay Packers football game. I'm preparing for tonight's Girls Night Out event at Indigo Coffee & Tea. Crash, the dog, is reclined on the floor next to me with a tennis ball in his mouth--hoping that he'll get some more play time in before he goes to his crate-based den for the rest of my workday here at home.

Crash is starting to turn into a much more mellow guy than when he first came home with me in August 2006. He's a beautiful German Shepherd rescue dog who spent quite awhile as an abandoned dog in an apartment in Milwaukee. As a truly emaciated guy, he was brought into a foster home that worked really hard at getting his physical health back in shape, but his mental health wasn't great and his manners, well, he didn't have many. As a nearly full-grown 2-year-old, he was mouthing things (like my arm) as though he was still an itty bitty furball. He was completely unaware of things around him (hence his name change from the foster name of Malachi to Crash), and had to be led to the water bowl to get him to drink. Everything was too much stimulation for him. The TV. People (especially men). Dogs. Bikes.

I honestly didn't think we'd make as much progress as I now realize we have made. The first 6 months were really difficult, but eventually we learned enough about each other to work through the toughest times and reach understanding. Two of the best things that have worked with Crash are ample exercise time and for me to learn how to act as the alpha dog to a dominant dog who had been master of his own domain for such a long time. Plus, learn to be the alpha dog even on days when I feel vulnerable, tired, or ill.

I know that I used to practice these things when my son was much younger and living with me...but I also know that upholding the alpha position day in and day out is extremely stressful for me, and with outside stressors on top of that, I know that I lost the alpha position from time to time, and sometimes for extended periods of time. Now my buddy Crash can deal with a lot of things, but this summer as a guy rode his bike out in front of my home as he was running a dog on his leash, Crash still perceived this triple combo as a bit of a threat. But, relatively speaking, barking for a minute at something that is a known trigger is soooooo much better than a 5-minute anxiety attack.

Thanks again to Crash for bringing a little bit of spark back to my life and for challenging me back from some extremely difficult and depressing times. I think he's got a bit of Bittersweet spirit in him...