Writing and the Analytical Side of Me

This is the year of self-discovery for me, and there are some very valuable lessons I've learned, and some others that have just re-iterated what I've known about myself for what seems like FOREVER.

1. I am an introvert. Don't get me wrong...I can be extremely extroverted in situations where I feel very comfortable...and actually love being the occasional center of attention. But my recovery and re-centering process requires regenerative alone time.


2. I love things that change. Technology. Life. People. Interests. I'm not so fond of stagnation. Old-school and old-boys networks. Some people.


3. There are days for mindless, days for intensive thought, and days for absolute creativity. It seems difficult for me to shift between these three modes without an overnight sleep.


4. Respect is something that I no longer give freely--it is only offered to those who earn it through their actions, including those who treat me well as a human being. Lies and deceit do not sit well with me, and I perceive those who "tell me what they think I want to hear" as folks who are not honest. Those who break my trust are going to have to work really hard to regain it. Does that mean I'm tough? Yup. Does that mean I'm unforgiving? Yes and no. Does that mean I don't like people? Certainly not.


5. I don't like everybody. There are certain values that need to be in place before I find myself truly liking a person. I certainly prefer depth of character to superficialities. I prefer a dry, witty, and sarcastic sense of humor to the prankster, jokester, and purveyor of silliness. I don't aspire to the mantra of "can't we all just get along?" but prefer something more like "can't we tolerate our differences and recognize and accept that there are differences?"


6. I am not a joiner. Hanging out in packs sharing one thread of commonality is not exactly my cup of tea. I'm not a party girl. Even personality profiles make that statement about me. I can be in a party mood from time to time, but it's based on mood and not on who invited me to the event. It can, however, be related to who will be at the party...


7. I like to write. I prefer writing and consolidating information to editing the words of others. When put in the position of editing the words of others, I actually want to retain the voice and sentiment of the original author. I believe that there are some grammar conventions that should almost always be followed...yet the violation of some of these is also what makes writing interesting and styled after the author.


8. Despite the fact that I have a strong analytical side and the ability to understand logic, I don't want to always be placed in the analytical, responsible role. I've worked in environments where others were given leeway because they were considered "creative types." Since I'm only considered a mildly creative type (despite volumes of artwork and compositions) because of my career choices, I have been expected to behave more professionally. I do wish I had been tagged a creative type earlier in my life...but, then again, my personality would have forced me to learn to compensate for my weaknessses to survive in whatever career I would have chosen.


9. There are a number of theories, practices, and things that people get away with that I think are pure bull-excrement. I try not to laugh in the face of those who believe these things, but when they try to apply them to me, I resist. Vehemently. They're not right for me.


10. As I get older, there are words that escape me, especially nouns when I'm speaking with some sleep deprivation. I will search and search for the right word, and if pressured to respond immediately, will find that sometimes the brain database returns the wrong result. At least, for now, I know that it's the wrong result. Others, of course, have been less forgiving of the incorrect word choice. Thank goodness that this is almost non-existent when I'm writing!

Some may classify me as a difficult person. I think I'm really no more difficult than many others who have crossed my path, and actually less difficult than those who either don't know themselves or work so hard to portray a kind of personna that is considered far more acceptable...or more feminine. I've had to work hard for everything that I have, every accomplishment that I've made, and I'm proud that includes a certain sense of competitiveness, a demand for excellence, the ability to know when things are good enough, and the sense to recognize some of the red and yellow flags that get raised along the way. It's been a journey to learn to pay attention to (and not ignore) the instincts that I possess. This acceptance has been life saving and affirming.